I never felt complete when I come home. The family feeling isn't there to be exact. I don't feel loyal. When someone needs help, I don't feel the urgency to help any of them out. Well, in fact I'm just giving back what they haven't done for me. I wonder what's gonna become of us. Whenever I read/listen to stories or see photos about my friends going out with their family/parents, I envy them. A lot. But I do not show because I don't see a point showing when I know nothing's gonna change. Yes, it's true I'm the younger one, the last hope, the educated one and whatever bullshit, but sometimes I just want to feel like the younger one, the follower, the listener. I don't see myself leading the family at all. And I don't know why the fuck is my maternal side asking me to do all that-to lead, to advice my elder bros and sis whenever they hurt mum? For whatever fuck, they should know better. I'm always the one helping mum via background by eating her dinner, appreciating what she does, help her out to clean the house and such but what the fuck is my sister doing? Urgh. Oh dear blog, help me out.
7:48 PM
